Anger and Stress Management

I just finished reading "Anger and Stress Management God's Way" by Wayne Mack. These are before and after pictures:
LUCAS STOP BOTHERING YOUR SISTER!!!!!

ANd this is after reading the anger management book:
Lucas sweetie - You really shouldn't bother your sister. Please stop now.

But seriously, it was a good book, and to help me remember what I learned from the book, I'm going to summarize here, mostly for my benefit. If you never get angry at your children or your spouse, then please feel free to skip this and go on to the next person's blog you want to check.

Our anger is sinful when:

1. ... we become angry for the wrong reasons (selfishness, or because our perceived "rights" have been denied) ie. One might have a child that does not go to sleep quickly at night and that child might spoil your quiet, peaceful evening and take away your "right" to rest. If one were to get angry at that child, that unfortunately would be the wrong reason. Glad that never happens to me.
2. ...we allow our anger to control us or dictate how we act.

3. ... it involves brooding and fretting. "In other words, churning our anger means that, in our minds, we are playing the recording of what someone did or said to us that angered us, over and over and over again. And every time we play it over in our minds, the recording gets a little louder and a little stronger. Eventually, that one recording is ingrained in our minds to the point that it lays by itself without deliberate thought."

4. ... when we become resentful or bear a grudge

5. ... when we attack the person with whom we are angry, OR attack a substitute. Again, one might get angry at their children when really they are angry at their husband. Again, I'm very glad that never happens to me.

How to make anger "good":

1. ... deal with problems when they arise before they make you angry. Instead of saying "IF I HAVE TO TELL YOU ONE MORE TIME ...", deal with the disobedience the first time they disobey.

2. ... learn to overlook the small things and have less rules. eg. Children are born silly and I just need to accept that instead of letting it drive me crazy. Or, if one's husband chews his gum like a cow, think of it as practice in overlooking the smaller things.

3. ... remind yourself that you CAN control your anger. Remember the last time you were in a good argument and the phone rang and you stopped yelling long enough to sweetly say Hello how are you in your fakest sweet voice? Yes, we can control ourselves. Proverbs 29:11 A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back. Ouch. When we fail, it's because we chose to be angry. Double ouch. And, on top of that he says we can never excuse, justify or rationalize our anger. No saying "I'm sorry I got angry at you, ... but you made me so angry when you cut the blinds off the window and ripped your screen out..." Triple ouch. Yes, that really happened.

4. ... take time to examine the reasons for our anger. Why am I angry? What is the best response? "The reason for most of our anger is we have an agenda and someone is standing in the way of our fulfilling our agenda."

He encourages us to make a plan of how we'll deal with anger, practice the plan and patiently wait for new habits to form (which could take 2-6 months of practice)!!